Say Goodbye to the Old You
Here’s an experiment I want you to do. Write a letter to you, the old you, the you that is sabotaging your efforts to become better. The new you is struggling. Old habits and behaviors die hard, but it is time for them to go. Take some time to visualize what you’re going to say and why you’ll say it. It may be "go away". It may be "thank you". It may be "I love you and I'm sorry".
Remember that Old You probably had some reason to be there. Be gentle and loving, but firm and say goodbye.
I challenged a dear friend to do just that. See if you recognize yourself in her letter. Then take time to write your own good bye letter.
"Dear New Self,
I want my old self back, or at least a majority of her. I want the glass half-full outlook back. I miss looking upon any challenge and knowing I could figure it out if given time. I am not sure why this outlook slowly changed, but over the past few years it has. I know this approach to challenges may require more effort and time, and that it may seem better to walk away and give up without really trying. I don't want to waste time and energy. In the end, it is exactly the time and energy spent on tackling problems or questions and working until a solution is found that makes life interesting and meaningful. With less time working and thinking, life has become dull and at times pointless. Maybe if I had replaced that "free" time with other challenging tasks it may be different right now, but I didn't.
I want the fearless old me back as well. When did we become so afraid of going out and doing new things? Or even familiar activities? I never used to back away from trying something because I was afraid of getting injured or not being good at it. The fact that I probably would not be great at it was always the reason to try it and then practice it until I was great at it. And for as long as I can remember, there was very little I could not do well if I was willing to work at it. This included any sport, musical instrument, foreign language, even academic endeavors. When did doubt show up and ruin this way of thinking? I am not sure but I want doubt and fear of failure gone.
My old self was not perfect though, far from it actually. She was very demanding and did not accept anything less than perfection. So there has to be a blend of her demanding pushy style, with a hint of compassion mixed in for when things don't work out well. Dwelling on the numerous times I was not perfect, may have helped me work harder It is no longer helpful to me. In fact, the idea of reaching perfection can go too. I have always believed striving for perfection should be the goal, as long as I understood that getting there would not happen. Setting standards that high would help get me as close as I could possible get, but somewhere I started to believe I could get there and became disappointed with anything less.
I want my new/old self to have very high standards but reasonable goals. I can be ok with not achieving perfection, as long as my goals are still demanding and not easy. As long as I know I have worked my hardest at reaching them.
So this is the start, maybe other things will be added to the list but these are what came to mind first.
No regrets gong forward,
Why not write your own letter? Why not say goodbye to the old you and all the things that no longer help you. Keep those wonderful traits that will keep you moving forward. Those outdated habits, let’s send them away. Notice them, name them and pack them away.
To your best health,